The Beautiful Mind (1of2)

A Conversation with Gina Sharpe

I arrived at meditation teacher Gina Sharpe’s house prepared to talk about what it means to live a beautiful life and more: I wanted to find a good story. The bare facts of Sharpe’s life were promising. Born in Jamaica, Sharpe moved to New York when she was eleven. She studied philosophy at Barnard College, worked in movie production (on the iconic 1970s movies Little Big Man, Paper Lion, and Alice’s Restaurant), and later became a successful corporate lawyer.

I knew there had to be adventures. Undoubtedly there were villains and mentors, dark times that gave way to light. Best, there was the promise of a moral: In the midst of all her worldly wanderings, Sharpe began to practice meditation with a range of Buddhist teachers, ultimately training to became a Vipassana (or “insight”) meditation teacher in the Theravada Buddhist tradition.

As we settled into her light-filled upstairs study, however, I realized that Sharpe was not going to help me do a kind of narrative math, lining up events in her life in an equation that would yield a tidy sum like, say, that practicing corporate law is a less beautiful life than teaching in a maximum security prison for women, among other places.

Spontaneous and playful in her answers and her manner, Sharpe, who co-founded the Manhattan retreat center New York Insight, kept the conversation in the present. As we talked over cups of green tea, I registered that transformations in the heart and mind (in Buddhism the two are not separate) are not a matter of progressing from point to point. They have to do with stopping, with daring to be still and attentive in the present moment. I began to understand how moments of being present can grow by dedicated practice into moments of presence—moments of realizing that who we are in reality is not an isolated individual on an isolated journey but a being who is an inextricable part of a greater whole. And I learned that the more we are able to open to the present moment, the less we are able to rule out, to judge as unspiritual or unbeautiful.

In Buddhism equanimity is considered a sublime emotion, the ground of wisdom and compassion. The Pali word for it is upekkha, which means to “look over.” (Pali, a vernacular version of Sanskrit, is the language in which the Buddha taught and the language of Theravada Buddhist texts). Sharpe explained that this means observing a scene or a person so clearly that we see their part in the whole. In other words, we see their beauty. After we talked, I discovered that a second Pali word is also used to describe equanimity: tatramajjihattata. It’s a fusion of root words that means “to stand in the middle of all this.” Sharpe persuaded me that this is the place to be.

—Tracy Cochran

Tracy Cochran: Do you have regrets?

Gina Sharpe: I used to regret having been dedicated to anything else but the Dhamma [or Dharma in Sanskrit] because time is precious. But as I get older and hopefully wiser, I’m more interested in bringing my sights down from an ideal to just as it is right now. I see that beauty can be an ideal that exists elsewhere, or what is here right now. In every single moment, you can stop and simply turn to the moment. It’s here. Increasingly, I see that if I move away from the present moment, I’m immediately lost. That’s true, however life unfolds. Beauty isn’t to be found elsewhere—it’s right where you are.

TC: Can you say more about the choices you made that led you to be sitting here right now?

GS: I don’t think of life as a sum of choices. I think of outcomes as a result of each choice. I’m not sure that so called “choices” would have been as wise as what actually happened. We fool ourselves to think that we are making big choices that are going to direct our lives. What’s actually happening is that in every moment small, intimate choices present themselves, depending on conditions that previously arose. And appropriate responses can happen if we’re present. Those appropriate responses come together to be part of a kaleidoscopic pattern that can later on appear to be a huge choice that we made. Actually, the pattern is always changing, and if we look at it with spaciousness, it’s beautiful.

TC: Most people don’t like every piece of their lives. They want to be in full sail. They don’t want the doldrums. We grasp this and reject that according to our idea of how things should be.

GS: The basis of a beautiful life is a beautiful mind.

TC: Can you define that?

GS: A beautiful mind is a mind that integrates everything, whether full sail or no wind. It can be buoyant despite conditions. It’s trained to be so. Our minds left untended are not careful. We have to be careful about what grows up in the garden of the mind; careful about what needs tending, feeding, and what needs cutting back. The quality of care is what makes a garden beautiful, as much as the particulars. Similarly, anytime you try to narrow things down to a particular definition—or when we try to make huge decisions—we get bogged down. It’s more beautiful to see with care how every small response is made, and how it makes a kaleidoscopic pattern.

TC: That takes a really sensitive attention. A lot of people would see your life at a different resolution. They would see you as very successful in worldly terms, then giving it all up to live a simpler life.

GS: There’s a theme emerging here, an interest in pinning down what’s beautiful and not. But as soon as we get into those polarities, we lose what we’re trying to cultivate. Rather, we can trust that if we tend the garden carefully, it will be beautiful.

TC: I’ve heard elsewhere that judgment is fatal to attention, to the effort to really observe.

GS: I’ve felt that in my own life and my own practice. It’s as if we decide that we know best instead of letting the universe show us—and a correct choice in this moment may be completely inappropriate in the next moment. Maybe this is why we get lost so often. As soon as we make a judgment, we say to ourselves “ok, that’s it.” We apply that judgment to everything going forward. It may have been totally correct and appropriate in the moment you made it, but it’s not when applied to all the other conditions arising. Because then you’re not meeting the situation exactly where it is. That takes equanimity, balance—a truly beautiful state.

TC: Why is this quality considered to be such an important attribute of an awakened human being?

GS: And probably one of the most confusing. One of the most frequent questions I get from students is, “If I have a balanced, accepting attitude towards everything, won’t I become passive?” There is fear about becoming too accepting, and that balance is dull. What’s missing is the understanding that balance is completely alive. If it’s not alive, it’s not balance. Because balance requires constant adjustment.The Pali word for equanimity is upekkha, which means “to look over.” It’s interesting because it suggests a larger view, and the larger view comes from being present in every single moment. Presence in every moment clarifies the larger pattern, the kaleidoscopic pattern.

The Beautiful Mind (2of2)

TC: To be present is to be aware that we are present with the whole of life.

GS: Interestingly, I’ve found that one way to see the whole of life clearly is to focus on one small point, not trying to take everything in. Somehow just looking at that one point, the whole world emerges. As William Blake said, “seeing the world in a grain of sand.” The “looking over” of equanimity can mean looking through that one point to everything, seeing the whole picture by looking closely and carefully at one point.

TC: So this looking over doesn’t mean overlooking.

GS: No. Practicing equanimity we come to a point where we understand what the Taoists call the ten thousand joys and the ten thousand sorrows, because a beautiful balance comes into our lives. We see that through the sorrow, we can also have joy, and that without joy, our sorrows would be unbearable. We see that our lives become beautiful when they become balanced—when they are with the way things are rather than the way that small mind thinks it should be.

TC: I think you are saying that from a balanced perspective, practicing having beautiful mind, being trained as a corporate lawyer can be just what is needed in the moment, sort of like the old expression, “The right tool for the job.” What is coming out is that beauty is situational, fluid.

GS: That’s exactly right. Our lives are flowing like a river. We can’t freeze anything and say “that’s beauty.” Receiving a dozen red roses doesn’t always feel beautiful. It depends on the situation, on the quality of the thoughtfulness, the giving and receiving. A constellation of conditions come together to make a beautiful moment. How do we cultivate that beauty in our lives? We can’t cultivate it by deciding we’re just going to have beauty around us, beautiful people, beautiful objects, beautiful situations (all according to our idea of beauty). Life isn’t like that. Often, when we try to set life up in that way, something else happens. The river overflows or the oil spills over the beautiful water. Whatever we think will happen as we strive to set up conditions in a particular way will never happen precisely in that way because our small minds are incapable of completely knowing conditions. There is always going to be something we forget or one thing we didn’t take into account, or something unpredictable happens. Beauty comes from having a mind that is capable of seeing things just as they are in the moment and being able to repose in that. And, of course, it’s constantly changing.

TC: Everything you say seems to rest so much on knowing the wholeness of life—on opening to what some call Presence with a capital “P.” Yet how can you instill that wish in students? There is so much torment in young people, especially in young women. They feel that beauty is elsewhere, not in them.

GS: This relates to what we were talking about before. The mind does need to be cultivated. If the mind isn’t cultivated, then what happens is that we accept cultural definitions of beauty, of right and wrong, good and bad. When we accept those definitions, we are trying to freeze what is flowing. It comes back to what we have been talking about from the start. In a single moment, if we are aware of things as they are, rather than projecting how they should be: that is grace, beauty. In a single moment—and in every moment—it’s possible to not know how things should be, to not measure or judge things. We get frozen in ideas from the past.

TC: Our projections about the future are rooted in the past.

GS: Yes. We get stuck on some idea that somebody gave us about something somewhere in our past, whether it was negative or positive. We develop a view and because it’s our view we think it is right. Some wind up killing because we get stuck on the idea that our frozen view is right. The understanding of how being present leads to Presence with a capital “P” takes that care we were talking about—being aware of how we drag that past with us. A beautiful mind is a mind in question presently, a mind that is curious and investigates.

TC: The truth is always in movement. It can’t be really grasped.

GS: Yet even the idea that nothing should be solidified becomes untrue when we solidify it.

TC: Our Western cultural inclination is to go up into the head, into thought.

GS: Yes, we always want to say “that’s it, now I understand.” But we can never understand anything fully because life is always in motion.

TC: There’s always this tendency to grasp. How hard it is to just be with experience, even after years of practice.

GS: As you say that, can you feel the fear?

TC: Yes, and I was working with being present with fear last night. In the midst of it, I decided to say a phrase from the Metta (or Lovingkindness) practice: “May I be safe and protected from danger.” I just repeated it without expectation. It cast this light net of positive expectation and awareness over this negative emotion, which finally dissolved.

GS: You raise an important point. The quality of mind and heart (and they are not really separate) that you bring to this moment is important in addition to being with things as they are. The ability to bring a heart and mind of true well-wishing, compassion, joy, and equanimity to the present moment, brings balance and makes it beautiful.

Paying close attention to the quality of the presence that we bring to the moment is important—especially in our culture, where we’re taught to never be satisfied with ourselves, that there is always more that we can do and be. Instead of generating aspiration, this can generate an inner critic and even self-hatred. A gentle attitude in mind and heart balances—again that word—the precision of presence. Without gentleness and tenderness, precision can become cutting and wounding.

TC: You can’t skip any steps, can you? You can’t just live in your head and ignore a wounded heart. At a certain point, you can’t carry on.

GS: Have you heard of the Impostor Syndrome?

TC: No

GS: It’s a Harvard study that revealed that very successful and accomplished people are often unable to internalize the truth of their accomplishments. Many of them feel like impostors, that they aren’t as competent as the rest of the world thinks they are and they think that one day they will be found out. What is that about? I think it’s about intense self-criticism, the inner sense that we’re never good enough.

TC: There is another side to this. When someone is really present, everyone—and probably even animals—can sense it, even if they couldn’t say what they were sensing. On the other hand, someone can say all the right words yet their listeners—and sometimes the people themselves—can tell that what they’re saying isn’t based on lived experience. I can tell, at least sometimes, when I am not all there, when I’m out of balance.

GS: I think we all can all tell. We lose our balance when we forget that it’s possible to simply respond genuinely from moment to moment.

TC: We don’t think it’s enough. We don’t trust just being present. We think that somehow we have to be armed with more, with a great idea or a story or some super-readiness.

GS: And we think there is some outer measuring stick by which we should be judged or by which we can judge everything we do. We want to appear clever or intelligent or masterful—appear, appear, appear. The moment we slip into that we’ve lost authenticity, and authenticity is certainly part of what it means to be beautiful. We do know when we are being met authentically by another human being. We know when we’re meeting ourselves authentically.

TC: It can feel like such a revelation, to treat oneself with compassion.

GS: We would never dream of treating another person the way we treat ourselves. We would consider it horrific. Yet when we think of compassion, we usually think of it in terms of the way we are externally, not internally. We’re cruel to ourselves and we lose balance—and beauty.

TC: As you talk I begin to see that there’s another order of beauty, if we only we could see it. There is a subtle process of giving and receiving that’s always taking place—a kind of unseen economy. Whether I see it or not, whether I am closed to it because of my own delusion and self-rejection or not, there is another kind of exchange going on in the world and another order of beauty. It’s always taking place, whether we choose to consciously participate or not.

GS: This phrase, an unseen or invisible economy, goes back to the first question that you asked me, about whether I had regrets about my life. People in our culture like to plan. But in reality, you do step one and the universe responds by offering up new conditions, and then you respond to the new conditions that arise—which have nothing to do with what you knew about when you planned your steps—and then the universe responds again. This understanding is hard to transmit. There is a whole unseen network of life, a net through which we can’t fall, and everything we do shakes this web. Denise Levertov wrote a beautiful poem called “Web.” It starts, “Intricate and untraceable, weaving and interweaving …” and ends, “all praise to the great web.” To see how the universe unfolds, that’s a beautiful life.

TC: We are usually oblivious.

GS: Yes, we’re too busy wanting everything just the way we want it. We want the answers—as if we could freeze our understanding forever. How awful would that be? I also want to return to what you were saying about young women not feeling beautiful. In my own practice and life, I see all the ways I have excluded others, and qualities in myself, and so much in life through fear of what is conceived as unbeautiful. In however many years I have left, I want to be more inclusive—so there is nothing I have to turn my eyes away from because there is an idea, a definition in my mind or my conditioning that views it as unbeautiful. There is so much we don’t want to look at or feel or include in our experience. Wisdom comes from including it all. The state of mind that we’re calling beautiful is not possible if we’re busy excluding.

TC: To be open, I have to be inclusive. That also means keeping the focus very specific.

GS: Unless we completely inhabit ourselves, it’s not possible to be completely present. If we’re not completely present, we’re not inclusive—and when we’re not inclusive, that’s when we exclude others who have different views, different opinions, different upbringings—difference. In presence, we see the beauty in what was previously unbeautiful—in difference and in alikeness. It’s all of life.

放下它

Bruce Lee - The 70th Birthday

Bruce Lee's Fans across the globe are preparing to this Saturday, 27 Nov 2010, mark the 70th anniversary of the birth of actor and martial arts legend Bruce Lee. Events are being organized from San Francisco, where Lee was born, to Hong Kong, where he was raised and found fame, as well as wherever Bruce Lee fan clubs are found across the globe.

There is no replacement for this ultimate fighter & fine martial artist. We cannot find his calibre again, even the popular film stars like Jackie Chan and Jet Lee, still a distant away.

Bruce Lee, just like Michael Jason, was gifted by God, the one and only one! Lee was living in Hong Kong when he was struck down by a cerebral edema (swelling of the brain) on July 20, 1973, at 32 years old. His international fame had just been established. Thanks to the Hollywood-funded Way of the Dragon, while in Hong Kong he had responsible for two massive box office hits in the year before his death - Big Boss (1971) and Fists of Fury (1972).

Today, the four decades of his death, the filming industry and his fans need to commemorate and in honour of Bruce Lee's contribution. This reminds us, life is as brief as the shooting star at night, it shines a short while & disappears. But with Bruce Lee's life, he came to this earth with his talent, which inspires us with his fine art of Kung Fu, which is so profound and enjoying that leaves his footprints in this earth and always in our memories.

Thank you Bruce Lee, my favorite, the most respected martial artist and also my inspiring Kung Fu's Master or Si-Fu, with so many times that I had watched and learned of every aspects the Bruce's movies of 70s.

Peace be with you, Bruce, happy birthday and I miss you.

I Told You So

How True It Is!

Close to You...

Close To You

Why do birds

Suddenly appear?
Everytime you are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you
Why do stars
Fall down from the sky?
Everytime you walk by
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

(*) on the day that you were born
The angels got together and decided
To create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

(**) that is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Repeat (*)

Repeat (**)

Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Woo... close to you...

這一生中，你錯過了什麼？

這一生中，你錯過了什麼？ 太太在二十五歲時問丈夫 ，

丈夫沮喪的回答她：我錯過一個新的工作機會。

三十五歲時，丈夫生氣的告訴她：我剛錯過了一班公車

四十五歲時，丈夫傷心的說：我錯過與親人見最後一面。

五十五歲時，丈夫失望的回答：我錯過了退休的好時機。

六十五歲時，丈夫匆匆的答說：我錯過了看牙醫的時間。

七十五歲那年，太太不再問先生了，此時，先生正跪坐在病 危的 太太面前，

想起太太每隔一段時間，總要問他的問題，他反過來問太太，
而太太的微笑中帶著解脫回答：這一生，我沒有錯過你！

此時，先生早已淚流滿面，
原以為兩人可以永遠在一起，
所以，終日忙著工作與繁瑣的事，
卻從不曾用心體貼朝夕相處的另一半，

先生緊抱著太太說：這輩子，我錯過妳五十年來的深情……

繁忙的都市裡，有著許多為工作打拚的人， 大家總習慣於把工作當成生活的重心。

為了滿足社會的價值，
不惜出賣自己的時間與身體，
捨不得多花時間投資健康，
以至於錯過了陪同孩子成長的機會、
忽略了身旁關心自己的至親、輕忽了自己的身體。

沒有人知道明年今日會是怎樣？

人世無常，趕緊把握當下，把心中的感激告訴愛你的人、 用行動關心你的家人，把每一天都當成人生的最後一段經營，即使走了，也能讓自己及身旁的人了無遺憾。

Forrest Gump - Inspiring Movie

Part of the scenes in the film of Forrest Gump

taken in South Carolina of USA.

Find life getting you down? Is the day-to-day life make you feel tired? There is a movie out there that can replenish your energy and inspiring your life. Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies that I can keep on watching with joy from time to time. Yet each time of watching there is meaningful reflection on my life.

Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks), is a little "slow" and retarded but good hearted Southern boy growing up in Greenbow, Alabama. His IQ is 75, 5 below the state's definition of "normal", but this doesn't seem to bother him, his mother, or his best and the only friend, Jenny. During the next thirty years, he manifests his wisdom, empathy and compassion in a very natural way with his true love and simplicity. That is heart warming and touching. As his life unfolds, Forrest becomes a star football player, a war hero, a successful businessman, and something of a pop icon.

Through it all, however, there is one important person that involved in his life: his love for Jenny. She is never far from his thoughts, no matter what he's doing or where he is, Jenny is alway his woman in his heart, even after her death! A very simple, pure love, he just wants to take care of her, genuine and unconditioned love for Jenny! A very touching and inspiring story...

The film, winner of 6 Oscars including Best Actor (Hanks) and Best Picture!

This movie is simply brilliant, it teaches you that in life, everyone has a place in this world, no matter you are dump or smart. It inspires people to live life in simplicity and with sincerity, then your life will lead you by itself. No need to worry.

I love Forrest Gump, it is an amazing movie!

Forrest Gump has several messages, inspiring and meaningful to tell us, no matter how tough is, not to give up on life. Why surrender or worry when you don't know what will happen in your future? Some of the quotes from Forrest Gump are meaningful and memorable:

• My Mama always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
• Mama always said, dying was a part of life.
• You have to do the best with what God gave you.
• When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.

• You died (Jenny) on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin' was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't. Little Forrest, he's doing just fine. About to start school again soon. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I make sure he combs his hair and brushes his teeth every day. Teaching him how to play ping-pong. He's really good. We fish a lot. And every night, we read a book. He's so smart, Jenny. You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote a letter, and he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, so I'll just leave it here for you. Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away.

• ....

Forrest Gump - Run Forrest!

Beaufort South Carolina, some scenes of Forrest Gump shot in these areas.

The huge live oak in the film is located at the entrance

to Carolina Shores at the end of Carolina Avenue.

University of SC Beaufort South Campus was filmed

as Gump Medical Center that Forrest Gump endowed.

Commandment Church Beaufort SC

Earth Prayers

Earth Prayers - Thich Nhat Hahn

Do not say that I’ll depart tomorrow

because even today I still arrive.

Look at me: I arrive in every second
to be a bud on a spring branch,
to be a tiny bird whose wings are still fragile,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
in order to fear and to hope,
the rhythm of my heart is the birth and
death of all that are alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing in the
surface of the river.
I am also the bird which, when spring comes,
arrives in time to eat the mayfly.

I am a frog swimming happily in the
clear water of a pond.
I am also the grass-snake who,
approaching in silence,
feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
I am also the merchant of arms, selling deadly
weapons to Uganda.

I am the 12-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after
being raped by a sea pirate.
I am also the pirate, my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo, with
plenty of power in my hand.
I am also the man who has to pay his
“debt of blood” to my people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.

My joy is like spring, so warm it makes
flowers bloom in all walks of life.
My pain is like a river of tears, so full it
fills up all the four oceans.

Please call me by my correct names,
so that I can hear all my cries and my laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are but one.

Please call me by my correct names,
so I can become awake,
and so that the door of my heart be left open,
the door of compassion.

緬甸的英雄 - 舒吉的微笑

噢，她是那麼的瘦小，但是，她又是那麼的巨大。

鏡頭前的昂山舒吉，站在住家大門鐵柵前，向群眾揮手，這是她被軟禁7年後，第一次對外展現她的風采。數千名支持者看到她，歡呼喝釆，興奮不已。

舒吉沒有發表激昂的演說，她只是微笑，然後簡單的說幾句話，要人民團結和冷靜。

軍人政權用盡一切方法，禁錮她、詆毀她、壓制她、折磨她，但是，還是不能打倒她。她用微笑來告訴軍人政府，她還是不屈服於強權的昂山舒吉；她也用微笑告訴群眾，她依然是和人民在一起的昂山舒吉。

她的瘦小身軀，背負了一個國家的苦難，也承載了人民的希望。緬甸人幾乎甚麼都沒有，然而，他們擁有昂山舒吉，或許，這是他們的精神財富。

如果不是緬甸軍人政府的暴政，昂山舒吉不須要遭受這些苦難，或許，她也根本不願意成為民族的英雄。

她的前半身，其實過得很平凡；她的志願，也只是想做個平凡的家庭主婦，相夫教子，過一個和樂的生活。

不久前，舒吉在英國的友人，公開了她年輕時代的生活照片。她留了小一撮長髮，騎著腳踏車，在英國的鄉下踏青；微風吹過，秀髮揚起，那張秀氣的臉孔，溢滿了笑容。

另一張照片中，舒吉和大學教授的英國丈夫，以及出身未久的孩子，坐在草地上野餐。她手上抱著孩子，深情款款的看著丈夫；這就是她所有美麗和理想的世界了。

然後，她是緬甸國父昂山將軍的女兒，她身上流的是緬甸的血液。在緬甸遽變的關鍵，她回到緬甸。當時，她以為那只是階段性的任務，一旦完成使命，她可以回到丈夫和孩子的身邊。

出乎意料的是，她領導的全民盟贏得大選，準備從軍人手中接管政府；但是，軍隊否決了選舉，還把她關起來。被囚禁期間，她心愛的丈夫患上癌症；但他離世的那刻，兩人都無法見面，作為一個妻子，這是錐心的遺憾。

而她疼惜的孩子，成長過程中，缺乏母親的照顧和陪伴；對於一個母親，這是最痛心的折磨。

舒吉獲得釋放，但是，作為女人，她的遺憾永遠不能彌補。同樣的，作為政治家，緬甸的民主和自由，她也無法確定，那是另一種遺憾。

但是，為了超越個人和家庭的更高價值，她無怨無悔，經歷了這一切，她微笑以對。

星洲日報／馬荷加尼‧作者：鄭丁賢‧

RPK _ Say No to ISA

義大利一個強姦犯的幕後故事 -- 你會原諒他嗎? (1of3)

2002年底，義大利的一些報紙上出現了一條特殊的尋人啟事：1992年5月17日，在瓦耶市商業區第5大道的停車場，一個白人婦女被一個黑人小夥子強姦。不久後，女人生下一個黑皮膚的女孩。她和她的丈夫毅然擔當起撫養女孩的責任。

然而不幸的是，如今這個女孩得了白血病，緊急需要做骨髓移植手術。她的生父是拯救她生命的唯一希望。希望當年的當事人看到啟事後，速與伊莉莎白醫院的安德列醫生聯繫。這則尋人啟事在社會上引起軒然大波，人們議論的焦點是：這個黑人會站出來嗎？顯然他面臨著兩難選擇，如果站出來，他將面臨名譽掃地、家庭破裂的危險；如果保持沈默，他將再一次犯下不可饒恕的罪行。這個故事將是一種怎樣的結局呢？白血病女孩牽出了一個恥辱的隱私。

在義大利瓦耶市的一個居民區，35歲的瑪爾達是個備受人們議論的女人。她和丈夫比特斯都是白皮膚，但她的兩個孩子中，卻有一個是黑色的皮膚。這個奇怪的現象引起周圍鄰居好奇的猜疑，瑪爾達總是微笑著告訴他們，由於自己的祖母是黑人，祖父是白種人，所以女兒莫妮卡出現了返祖現象。

2002年秋，黑皮膚的莫妮卡接連不斷地發高燒。最後安德列醫生診斷莫妮卡患的是白血病，唯一的治療辦法是做骨髓移植手術。醫生分析道：要那些與莫妮卡有血緣關係的人中，最容易尋找到合適的骨髓，你們全家以及親屬，最好都來醫院做骨髓匹配驗。瑪爾達面露難色，但還是讓全家來做了骨髓匹配實驗，結果沒有一個合適的。醫生又告訴他們，像莫妮卡這種情況，尋找合適的骨髓的幾率非常小。現在還有一個行之有效的辦法，就是瑪爾達與丈夫再生一個孩子，把這個孩子的臍血輸給莫妮卡。這個建議讓瑪爾達突然怔住了，她失聲說：天哪，為什麼會這樣？她望著丈夫，眼彌漫著驚恐和絕望。比特斯也眉頭緊鎖。安德列醫生反復向他們解釋，現在很多人都採用這種辦法拯救了白血病人的生命，而且對新生兒的健康也沒有任何影響。這對夫妻只是聽著，久久沈默。最後他們說：讓我們再想想吧。

第二天晚上，安德列醫生正在值班，突然值班室的門被推開了，是瑪爾達婦。瑪爾達緊咬著唇，丈夫比特斯握著她的手，神色肅穆地對醫生說：他們有一件事要告訴您，但您必須保證為我們保密，因為這是我們夫婦多年的秘密。醫生鄭重地點點頭。那是10年前，1992年5月的時候。那時我們的大女兒伊蓮娜已經兩歲了，瑪爾達在一家速食店上班，每天晚上10點才下班。那天晚上下著很大的雨，瑪爾達下班時街上已經幾乎空無一人了。在經過一個廢棄的停車場時，瑪爾達聽到身後有腳步聲，驚恐地轉頭看，一個黑人男青年正站在她身後。那黑人手拿著一根木棒，將她打昏，並強姦了她。

等到瑪爾達從昏迷中醒來，踉蹌地回到家時，已是淩晨1點多了。我當時發了瘋一樣沖出去找那個黑人算賬，可是早已沒有人影了。那晚我們抱頭痛哭，仿佛整個天空塌了下來。說到這，比特斯的眼已經蓄滿了淚水。他接著道：不久瑪爾達發現自己懷孕了。我們感到非常可怕，擔心這個孩子是那個黑人的。瑪爾達想打掉那個胎兒，但是，我還是心存僥倖，也許這孩子是我們的呢。就這樣，我們惶恐地等待了幾個月。

1993年3月，瑪爾達生下了一個女嬰，是黑色的皮膚。我們絕望了，曾經想過把孩子送給孤院，可是一聽到她的哭聲，我們就捨不得了。畢竟瑪爾達孕育了她，她也是條生命啊。我和瑪爾達都是虔誠的基督徒，我們最後決定養育她，給她取名莫妮卡。安德列醫生的眼眶也濕潤了，他終於明白這對夫妻為什麼這麼懼怕再生一個孩子。他若有所思地點點頭：這樣的話，你們哪怕再生10個，也很難生出適合給莫妮卡移植骨髓的孩子！

他望著瑪爾達，試探著說：你們必須找到莫妮卡的親生父親，也許他的骨髓，或者他孩子的骨髓能適合莫妮卡。但是，你們願意讓他再出現在你們的生活中嗎？瑪爾達說：為了孩子，我願意寬恕他。如果他肯出來救孩子，我是不會起訴他的。安德列醫生被這份沉重的母愛深深地震撼了。特殊的尋人啟事掀起骨髓捐獻熱潮人海茫茫，況且事隔多年，哪里去找這個強姦犯呢？瑪爾達和比特斯考慮再三，決定以匿名的形式，在報紙上刊登一則尋人啟事。

2002 年11月，在瓦耶市的各報紙上，都刊登著一則特殊的如前所述的尋人啟事，啟事懇求那位強姦者能站出來，為那個可憐的白血病女孩生命做最後的拯救！啟事一經刊出，引起了社會的強烈反響。安德列醫生的信箱和電話都被打爆了，人們紛紛詢問這個女人是誰，他們很想見見她，希望能給她提供幫助。但瑪爾達拒絕了人們的關心，她不願意透露自己的姓名，更不刻意讓別人知道莫妮卡就是那個強姦犯的女兒。此時媒體對這個啟事所預告的結局進行了討論。《羅馬報》這樣評論道：這個黑人會出現嗎？如果這個黑人勇敢地站出來了，那我們將會將如何看待他？我們的法律該如何制裁他？他是應該為昨天的罪惡而受到懲罰，還是應該為今天的勇敢而受到讚美？《瓦耶新聞》還展開了，如果你是那個黑人，你該怎麼辦？這個討論，向廣大讀者提出了一個兩難討論。