Thank You So Much

By Raja Petra Kamarudin

I was born just after midnight UK time 60 years ago. That would be around 7.00am Malaysian time. But already I am receiving loads of birthday wishes.

As would probably not be able to reply to all your messages, as there are just so many, I would like to thank everyone here in this article for the birthday wishes you sent me and are continuing to send me even as I write this article. I don’t want anyone saying that I am sombong and am ignoring your messages.

My father who was born on 1st July 1925 died on 4th August 1971 at the age of 46. My mother who was born on 11th February 1933 died on 5th November 1980 at the age of 47. The fact that today I am celebrating my 60th birthday means I have been given ‘extended time’, which I certainly must be very grateful for.

This ‘extended time’ does not belong to me. Going by the ages that my parents died I too should have gone a long time ago. And the fact that I am still around not only means I should be grateful I am still alive but that this ‘extended time’ should be used not for my benefit but for the benefit of the nation.

I have seen and done many things in my life. What I have experienced in my 60 years can fill two or more lifetimes for many people. At my age what more is there that I need? Even if I never wake up from sleep tomorrow there are no regrets because I have lived a full life. And if I do wake up then I have to ponder as to why I am still around and what I must do with the balance of my life.

My time on earth is no longer mine. This time does not belong to me. It belongs to my children and grandchildren and their children and grandchildren yet to be born.

I pray I get to see another ten years of life. If I get to see more than ten years that is more than I expect and hope for. Whatever it may be and whatever time I may have left, it is so that I can utilise this extra time in trying to make Malaysia a better place for those I leave behind.

The future belongs to the next generation. My job is to ensure that the next generation gets to enjoy life in a country that is conducive to a better quality of life. Quality of life is not about the number of years you live. Quality of life is not about the wealth that you procure. It is about a country free of persecution, discrimination and injustice and where the government respects the fundamental rights of its citizens.

How long we live is not important. Whether it is a short or long life is not crucial. It is what you do in that short time you spend on earth is what matters.

When I leave this world I shall not be able to leave my descendants money or riches because I am not a wealthy man. In fact, I am a declared bankrupt. But what I can leave them would be a legacy that we must always fight for justice and freedom and rise to the defence of the downtrodden. That, I believe, are virtues which even money cannot buy.

So, again, thank you so much for all those birthday wishes. And whether ten years from now you will still be wishing me happy birthday and whether I will still be saying thank you is not foremost in my mind. What is foremost in my mind is that even if I go tomorrow I would go knowing that I have helped plant the seed of dissent and have been able to teach Malaysians that we must never fear the oppression perpetuated by the government but rise and oppose oppression and make the government fear us instead.

Thank you, Malaysians. You are always in my heart and I hope I too will always be in yours long after I am gone and have become dust buried in the earth.

I always feel touched and inspired by RPK's writings, his thoughts, his ideas, his life as general. RPK you have my respect. It is a respectable life to live like RPK, it does not matter short or long, rich or poor, important is: LIFE MUST BE MEANINGFUL, how we spend our time on this earth before become dust and died in this earth.

An upright person with total commitment to make our beloved nation for a better place to live for future generation, you deserved our unconditioned and total love. You always love by angels (deva) and right mind human beings. RPK is really my hero, happy birthday RPK. Thanks for everything you do for this country.

寫Blog的一周年 - Joy To Share

Hi, long time no see, give me a hug! Joy To Share...

今天是我写blog的1周年纪念日。从2009年9月24日到今天 2010年9月24，哦， 365 天！

日子過的好快喔， 當初，只想寫一些有關旅遊的點點滴滴，和一些對自己內觀的經驗，體會，觀察，來分享。結果，不知不覺，像天馬行空那樣，有感受就寫，原來有趣的故事還蠻多。現在，幾乎是暢所欲言，隨心所欲，無所不談！也發現到，原來分享的同時，也有心靈， 心理自療之效果！輕鬆自在，自得其樂，也樂人！這一年也蠻有收穫吧。

写blog的意义，不仅是分享，而在于自省。记录了自己的內心世界，平時沒法子認真，仔細的去观察的心態和思考。當自己写了，或許構想比較完整，清楚了，而用语言清晰的表达出来，對自己的思路有更深刻的了解。所以有了blog，写的过程是思考的过程，也是生活的背影，人生的反射。喔，還蠻有意思的。

我想，寫blog的最終意義和目的，還是自己對自己對話！面對自己，心靈淨化，達到自省自足自樂自立，也加深了解自己。人生最終還是靠自己，到底自己最了解自己。多年觀察自己的心態，起心動念，也成了習慣。有心 (mind) 的陪伴，它離不開身，自然的， 也成為我最好的朋友，不是嗎？有一個永遠不離開你的心，做你的朋友，面對生活中苦樂，與你對話，反省自己過去做過的是與非，善與惡，使人生活的更有智慧，更有意義，日常生活還會寂寞嗎？會無聊嗎？哈哈....寫 "不咯個" .... 何樂不為？Meaningful 吧!

在这里感谢阅读我的blog的各位。

Joy to BLOG = Joy to SHARE >>> 分享之樂!

我還是我 - I AM WHO I AM

My name is Namewee this is how I introduce myself

從小老師 就認為我是想要惹事
My teachers always thought I was looking for trouble
我熱愛文字 我討厭公式 我不想面對考試
I love literature but I hate the school system and all its exams
我更討厭你規定我的頭髮款式
I get annoyed when people comment on my hair style
我的思考方式 沒有人能夠抑制
I was born with a mind that is beyond the control of others
大人都固執的怪我固執 不懂事
Adult always blamed me for being stubborn & naive
我明白 待人處事都有 它的模式
I realized our society has its way of life
但不代表 全部人都要變成孔子
But that doesn’t mean all of us must become Confucius

十五歲 那年初我染上音樂的毒
Age of 15 I discovered the joy of music
我透過音符 來降低我內心的無助
Through its notes I find ways to express my thoughts
我學習美術 但依然無法省悟
I tried picking up art but it could not hold my inner feelings
是孤獨創造梵谷 還是梵谷創造孤獨
Was loneliness created Van Gogh or Van Gogh created loneliness?
中學畢業後 華人得自求多福
Upon finishing high school Chinese must find ways to further their studies
揮揮衣袖 我決定要到台灣留宿
Faced with challenges I decided to pursue my education in Taiwan
爸爸媽媽不要擔心 我不會辜負
Don’t worry mom and dad I promise not to fail you
等我讀完書 一定會回到歸屬
I will return to my beloved home when I graduate
我會好好過 我必須好好過
I will be fine I must stay strong
想家的時候 我就打開電腦拼命創作
When I lone for home I turn on my PC and started writing
牆壁上的大馬國旗 是我的寄託
My Malaysian flag on the wall keeping my spirit alive
床頭的那張全家福 總是讓我振作
My family portrait beside my bed keeping my strong
一個人 在外國 要獨立生活
As a foreigner living in a strange country I learn to become independent
我做過很多工作 我面對很多數落
I took up many jobs to pay my bills and tuition fees
無論再辛苦 還有音樂陪著我
When times were tough at least I still had my music with me
我理想沒有變 因為我 還是我
My dream did not change, I am still who I am

我有我自己的夢 自己會走
I have my own dream I will keep going
就算再寂寞
Even it’s a lonely path
請原諒我的衝動 我會好好過
Please forgive me for being impulsive, I will be fine
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am
我不怕暴雨狂風 將我淹沒
I’m not afraid the obstacles cos it will not drown me
毅然往前走
I will keep moving forward
就算旅途再癲頗 我不能回頭
Even if it is a journey of no return I will not give up
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am

2007 年 那是個遲來的夏天
Summer came late in the year 2007
改編國歌事件 讓我人生從此改變
My life was forever changed with my national anthem song
透過網際網絡 我闖了禍
I got into trouble through the cyber space
但我堅持沒有犯錯 有人 說我叛國
I was misunderstood and got accused of betraying my country
有人 想幹掉我 有人 說不讓我回國
My life was threaten and I even was told I cannot come home
要我磕頭認錯 政客趁機出頭
I was pushed into the limelight by influential people trying to gain fame
媒體還配合炒作 世界 各地的記者call我
Media got into the action and suddenly international reporters started calling me
我必須學會沉著
I had to learn to stay calm
謠言越來越多 讓人陷入惶恐
Rumours started flowing and my heart started pounding
甚至 還有人把偷渡路線圖 send給我
I even received maps with international escape routes
爸爸媽媽 對不起 不要難過
Sorry mom and dad please don’t be sad
牆壁上的國旗 我從來沒有拆過
I have not taken down the flag hanging in my bedroom
我破了千萬點閱 也上了各大版面
My youtube video broke records and my face made newspaper covers
有人喜歡有人討厭面臨輿論考驗
I got cheered and got booed I must learn to face the music now
我的故事 被文學家 寫進了書
My story was documented into a book
我的臉 還被人畫成了 卡通人物
My face even got drawn into cartoon characters
再多褒與貶 都已經事過境遷
I wished that all the fame and criticism would die down some day
畢業後的我 決定勇敢面對誤解
Upon graduation I decided to return to my beloved country
我用陸路 交通跨越六個國度
With only land routes I walked across 6 countries to come home
拍攝紀錄 沿途上的驚險 和領悟
I even shot a documentary on my challenging journey
一步步 很艱苦 終於回到大馬領土
Thought every step was tought I finally came home to Malaysia
被拍照 被訪問 還被叫到警察總部
I got called to police station and faced many media interviews
雖然 你們都把我 當成公眾人物
Even though most think of me as public personality
但我必須穩住 要保持個人創作元素
But I stayed true to myself to retain my creative art

我有我自己的夢 自己會走
I have my own dream I will keep going
就算再寂寞
Even it’s a lonely path
請原諒我的衝動 我會好好過
Please forgive me for being impulsive, I will be fine
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am
我不怕暴雨狂風 將我淹沒
I’m not afraid the obstacles cos it will not drown me
毅然往前走
I will keep moving forward
就算旅途再癲頗 我不能回頭
Even if it is a journey of no return I will not give up
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am

有人說 我的作品荼毒青年思想
People criticized my songs for poisoning the younger generation
有人說 我的頭腦都在胡思亂想
Some said my mind is full of dirty thoughts
說我亂講 說我是社會毒瘤發癢
That I have bad morel in the civil society
還怪我 變成他兒子的偶像
Some just blamed me for becoming his son’s idol
面對攻擊 我早就已經習慣
I am used to faced difficult situations
保持沉默微笑 是我最好的答案
Keeping silent is my best defense and response
裝模作樣 從來就 不是我的強項
Putting a fake face is never an option for me
但我出門逛逛 卻要偽偽裝裝
I can no longer be myself when I go out
我的email 每天都有人來 訴苦
People write to me pleading for help everyday
但我愛莫能助因為我不是 政府
I just cannot do much because I am not the government
你們來我facebook 鼓勵我 詆毀我
Some come to my Facebook supporting and slandering me
我不刪除因為那是言論自由淨土
I didn’t delete because it is their freedom of speech
我想要讓你聽見 讓你看見
I want you to listen and I want you to see
我想說的話 我的電影 和我的音樂
The messages I convey through my voice, my film and my music
徘徊尺度邊緣 自由自在的暢所欲言
Walking the fine line in freedom of speech
那是主流媒體 永遠看不到的世界
Which is something the mainstream media can never understand
我站在不 同的的角度我不會停下腳步
I stand from a different point and I will not stop
這條思路 是老天送給我的禮物
This path is a gift from god
你說我糊塗 你甚至想要把我說服
You claimed that I am lost and want to brainwash me
對不起我 還是我那就是我的態度
Sorry, I am still who I am, and this is my attitude
在Kuala Lumpur 開始了新的生活
I am starting new life in Kuala Lumpur
這裡人潮洶湧 馬路坑坑洞洞
It is crowded here and the roads are full of potholes
一不小心 我可能會在這裡失控
If I’m not careful things may just get out of control
這條路 很難走 但我已經 沒有回頭
The path is not easy but I do not have a choice anymore

(我還是我 我還是我)
Because I am still who I am

我有我自己的夢 自己會走
I have my own dream and I will go for it
就算再寂寞
Even it is a lone path
請原諒我的衝動 我會好好過
Please forgive me for being impulsive, I will be fine
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am
我不怕暴雨狂風 將我淹沒
I’m not afraid the obstacles cos it will not drown me
毅然往前走
I will keep moving forward
就算旅途再癲頗 我不能回頭
Even if it is a journey of no return I will not give up
(相信我還是我)
Believe me I am still who I am

Just to Share My Thoughts....

Warren Buffett

Without fancy house, Warren Buffett lives in

this modest house for decades.

Wow... He throws away his money!

1. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
2. Live your life as simple as possible.
3. Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what you feel good.
4. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.
5. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.
6. After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule your life.

The advice given by Warren Buffett, the second richest man in the world after Bill Gates. Same as Bill Gates, this man gives almost all his wealth back to the society. Rich man like Warren Buffett lives a simple life and keep low profile.

Well, people like him so rich and yet so modest, and live in such a simple life. Seldom people realize and differentiate between need and want, between sensual pleasure and inner happiness. To live a simple life it means Warren Buffett lives on his need rather than want, that is the main reason why he can lead such a simple life because he enjoys inner happiness. Simple life & happiness related to one another and intertwined.

You see, say is easy, people like us, often succumb to 'want' more than 'need'! I always think I lead a very simple life, now I think it may not be so, hehehe...

Over many years, one of my weaknesses is, I spend quite a hefty sum on IT products, like computers & hand phones, etc. I always want to keep up with the latest model or the most advanced products. A very expensive 'hobby'! And a classic example of showing greed and buying things more than necessary or need! This is NOT a simple life anymore, right?

Malu or shame to say that actually I am planning to buy iPhone4, iPad, etc .... hahaha... Why buy these? I don't know!

Hmmm... after reading Warren Buffett's advice, I have a second thought! Thank you Sir, you knock my head hard! I still have few more hand phones at home, left unused, and my MacBook Pro I just bought it last year...It is perfect and more than what I NEED! So why iPad?

I have to admit, that is greed in action, hahaha... Now I think I should walk the talk... 向Warren Buffett 看齊吧! Ask myself, do I need that? Very weak sound from my heart says "no~~~~~~"... Haha, so let go that things, at least I can save RM 7,000 or more, wow, not bad!

Saving? With INSTANT reaction, do you know what I am thinking NOW? Haha, let you know my thought: "Why not make a trip to Europe by just adding few more thousands?" Ha... you see, another greed in action, so fast! This is how the mind working, it always wants something! Mind is also very good at justification. It tells me: "You are not wasting money lah, after all traveling is your hobby, right? Give yourself a rest mah!"; "Why keep the money in the bank account, while you are in the heaven. Better enjoy now, be happy while you are alive!"; "Aiya, you have friends in Europe what, go lah visit them, not much money spend mah..." Hahaha... very tempting 'advice', and more powerful than Warren Buffett's one!

Now, my friends ... You judge, what should I do? Or just forget about that and go to Facebook playing games day & night, to kill time? Oh no, my dear, that is NOT my hobby lah... only get my mind more deluded & ignorant... it becomes addicted too! Not a good idea...Not my WAY of life.

Anyway, life is not perfect, with all those weaknesses, and sometimes up & down, it is still wonderful, and full of happiness. So try to enjoy life by creating positive life style and LIVE with it, that is the MOST important thing to do. My goal is to live life in FULL every day. Just be mindful and watch my thoughts popping up, just look at the thought arising one after another, be it good or bad without resistance, sometimes just laugh at those greedy & funny thoughts, with the mind detachedly and remains calm & cool. Over a time, will see thoughts clearer and clearer... Eventually live life better, wiser & happier too. Because there is a detachment, a distance between thoughts and yourself. This cool distance make you less and less affected or involved with your thoughts.

Interesting? You also can try, then you will agree, and enjoy your life, and you don't depend on anyone for happiness but just train your mind in this way, you will see thought is NOT you, thought is thought only! You can take it as a 'hobby', to 'kill' your time rather than playing Facebook's game! Try it...Cool!

By this way I will live my life more in need, rather than want. Sure, first thing, I have to let go and CUT OFF all those unnecessary things, including people! Involved with people who are insincere with BIG ego, they always disturb mind's peacefulness. For peace and happiness, try to avoid these people.

Actually simple life is a happy life. Yes, it is true, but happiness, different from sensual pleasure, such as enjoying a good meal, a good sleep, or indulge in bodily sensations like love, intimate relationships, etc. The sensual pleasure depends on OTHER to provide you pleasure, and it is outside thing, it is also NOT dependable, as people tend to change, situation will change too, not stable.

But happiness, PEACE & CALM, it cannot be found from outside, it is HERE & NOW, within your heart and mind! But it needs to be realized by purification of heart and mind, by making yourself more sincere and honest not only to people but to YOURSELF! It means you see the negative sides of yourself, like greed, anger,selfishness,big ego, etc. That is the process of purification of your mind & heart by understanding your own nature. Gradually with deeper self understanding, happiness arises by itself. You no need to seek it, it comes when you are ready! You no need to BEG people for happiness, but for sensual pleasure, YES! It depends on your friends, your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, your money, your career, your boss, even your religion, etc. Depend on all these external things to stir up your pleasure, without these your are lost and empty. You think you are happy if you own them, have them, control them, and lack of these you are insecure. Not realized that these are all impermanent. They come and go, without your permission! Once you had, and lost them again, then you are depressed.

Then you feel empty and hollow in life, being unhappy, you want to grasp something to replace the hollowness and emptiness in life. You look high & low, for things you want, to satisfy your pleasure and wanting. You even hide yourself by indulging in internet gaming to avoid meaningless life, that created by you! In this manner, we FOREVER cannot be satisfied, just like chasing a rainbow, it is fruitless. Therefore we are always being unhappy and insecure. I think everyone might have experienced this before, right? There is no secure marriage or relationship in this world, they subject to time, and change. We just don't know when, the change will come! We live in the world of change.

Happiness also cannot co-exist with the mind full of GREED, DELUSION & IGNORANCE, right? Just like brightness & darkness. In other words, you cannot be happy when you hurt people, not sincere in action and not tell truth or honest when deal with friend. Then your friend will avoid you, he will go away and leave you alone because he has choice. Why waste time on you? How can you have happiness by being not sincere to other? Universal law is like this: it goes around, and comes around, and caused karmic consequences to you, eventually. This is due to deep inside your heart, what you did to other, good or bad, you know but you don't admit it. There is BIG ego inside thinks other always wrong, I am NO wrong, why should I admit? This shows the pride and arrogance. The ego and pride that create a distance between you and your friend.

So to have happiness, first thing is to admit we are not perfect and make mistakes. Start from here, we change the mental attitude, from unwholesome mental state to wholesome mental state, and cultivate good and kind thoughts, then automatically, you will be a sincere person because of sincere heart, by putting away your pride and ego, right?

Just to share .... The thoughts that arising at these moments, with the happiness also arises from my sharing with you. May all of you be well and happy. Cheer up!

We Are Malaysia-Not Me But We!

T-Shirt: We are Malaysia - Many But One!

Datuk Zaid, Hannah Yeoh & Dato Ambiga

Warm & cordial environment - commencement of 5th National

Congress on Integrity, 16 Sep 2010.

One of the key speakers - Datuk Zaid.

Another two prominent & learned speakers: Datuk Azzat

Kamaludin and Justice Datuk Seri Sri Ram Gopal.

Our young, lovely and intelligent MP and a lawyer, YB Hannah Yeoh. (杨巧双)

She gave a very inspiring talk on current affairs. A dedicated and

people serving politician. Deserved our deep respect.

It is always my NATURE to share! Share from one's heart to another.

This is an awesome and meaningful event, the key speakers for this event are learned and renowned in their own fields, making inspiring and insightful speeches with wise discussions.

Today is the 16 September, the Malaysia Day, I spent my whole day attending the conference on 5th National Congress on Integrity at UCSI, University, Kuala Lumpur. It is a very meaningful day, also created a new chapter in my life to learn the importance of caring and loving society and show concern to our beloved nation, which we have lived here, and will die here! There is no other place we can call home!

16 September 1963 marked an important turning point for Malaysia. Sabah and Sarawak entered into an alliance with Malaya to form a new nation. Today declared a public holiday, and first year to celebrate.

In the conference, we represent and speak out for the welfare and interests of all ethnic communities and make reasonable requests on their behalf. We undertake to honour the diversity of our peoples and resolve to reach out in friendship, understanding and mutual respect.

We publicly declare today that we will promote inclusion and oppose all forms of racial chauvinism or extremism in the following manner:

1. Practising mutual respect for all ethnic communities instead of being arrogant, bigoted or superior to the other.
2. Abstaining from making racial slurs or degrading or insulting remarks against another race or ethnic community.
3. Acknowledging the basic rights of other ethnic communities.
4. Building trust in other ethnic communities and dispelling prejudices.
5. Embracing differences versus preaching forced assimilation.
6. Seeking to understand our shared history and taking responsibility for the development of our communities.
7. Accepting that need to cooperate to achieve our diverse goals in the spirit of nationhood.

It is time to create a better world, beautify this place which is our ONLY home. I am grateful for the opportunity to participate and attended to this meaningful function --- to begin our journey towards oneness. But not take this for granted, we urge ALL Malaysians to set aside differences, enjoy the richness of diversity and to appreciate oneness. Our future generation starts from here --- starts from you and me!

We are Malaysia, and no longer me, but always WE...

Dears Friends,

Please share and pass on this message to someone else; creating a loving and caring society is everyone responsibility. Rather than helplessly & dejectedly migrate to else where, let put our effort together and transform this nation into a peaceful and harmonious place for our future generations to live. After all, this is our rightful home, where we should be proud of. Thank you.

道歉中蕴涵庞大的神秘力量

约翰·普隆默（JohnPlummer）曾经是越战期间战斗直升机的机师，专责协助轰炸机的定点袭击。1972年1月9日，美军官方报纸《星条旗》刊出一则报道，讲述美军的烧夷弹如何有效地彻底摧毁了一条包庇越共的村庄。在这段消息里，有一张后来举世知名的照片，里头有个九岁的小女孩赤身裸体，哭着奔跑，嘴巴因极度的恐惧而张大；她的双手乱甩，仿佛那不是她身体的一部份。普隆默看到这张照片，知道这是他的成果，前天他才协助了一场毁灭性的大轰炸，毁的就是这个村，那个小女孩的家。

战后，普隆默回到美国，成了一个酒鬼，经历两段失败的婚姻。每次想到那张照片，他都痛苦地宛如“膝盖受了重击”。后来他成了虔诚的基督徒，甚至成了美国卫理公会的管事，可是那张照片依然缠绕着他，照片上听不见的尖叫却回响在他的午夜梦魇里。直到那次轰炸的24年之后，普隆默在华盛顿的越战纪念碑前终于与那个记忆中的女孩相遇。女孩长大了，原来叫做KimPhuc。普隆默泣不成声，只能重复呢喃：“对不起，我错了，对不起……”。KimPhuc拥抱他，用手轻抚他的背。她说：“没事了，没事了，我原谅你”。

这只是美国精神病理学者阿宏．拉札里（AaronLazare）《论道歉》收集的其中一个动人故事。一篇又一篇的故事读下来，实在叫人惊讶，到底道歉是什么？为什么它这么简单，却又有这么庞大的神秘力量。正如普隆默的道歉，就那么简单的几个字，却为他得回一生的平静与救赎。自从KimPhuc宽恕了他，所有的呐喊都消失殆尽。道歉这种既简单又复杂的心理机制就是拉札里在这本书里所要探讨的“道歉的吊诡”。

天呀， 原來做錯事， 沒及時道歉， 過了24年還會給自己帶來如此大的心理傷害。千萬別被自己的傲慢心所欺騙，而以為妳沒有傷害過那個人， 也許只有自己心靜下來時， 內心深處，看得最清楚，它會不斷提醒妳，良心在告訴妳，其實自己也有欺騙， 傷害過那個人，為什麼沒有勇氣道歉？ 內心的回响， 無論多少年，都依然會缠绕着妳， 直到一天，妳面對那個人說：“對不起，我也有錯，請原諒我..... ”。

朋友，人生沒有幾個24年! 是行動的時候了，還等待什麼？

圣严法师：敢于担负责任才是真正的忏悔

忏悔的意思是“承认错误”，但是承认错误之后，还要负起责任，准备接受这个错误所带来的一切后果，这才是忏悔的功能。忏悔要毫无隐瞒地彻底承认错误，并增加担负责任的勇气，达到忏悔的功用。根据佛经，忏悔有三种方法：第一是对自己的良心忏悔；第二是对我们所亏欠的人忏悔；第三则是当众忏悔。在当下承认错误的同时，对自己负责，也对他人负责。

我们很多时候往往不知道自己做错了事，或是根本不知道错在哪里，凡夫的起心动念，无不是业、无不是罪，因此，无论我们如何客观持平，都不免会犯错。尤其我们的记忆总是很快就把错的、坏的事情忘掉，或是不愿想起，甚至于把错误合理化，但是对自己得意的事、对别人的錯誤，却又记得牢牢的，而变得自傲自大，不懂得谦虚。所以，无论知不知道、有没有发现自己行为上的错误，我们都应该忏悔。

其实在我们一生之中，无意间对不起的人有很多很多，他很可能就是我们的父母、愛人, 丈夫, 兄弟姐妹等最亲近的亲人。我们伤他们的心，让他们受苦受难，而自己并不知道，甚至有时候让人家受苦受难，心中还在幸灾乐祸，说：“活该！希望他再更苦一点，这样才能发泄我心中的不满。”像这样的心理，都应该要忏悔。如果我们平常能够天天忏悔的话，我们的身心行为，就会愈来愈清净。

如果做错事不忏悔会怎么样呢？佛教徒相信“罪有罪报，业有业报。”果报有好有坏，好的叫作“福报”，坏的叫作“业报”、“罪报”。如果不忏悔，我们受的苦难就会多些，如果忏悔，受的苦难就少些。

我们的家庭、事业、学业，甚至于健康，都免不了会产生种种的挫折、磨难，这些阻碍、不如意、不顺心，其实都是我们过去在有意、无意间，所造的种种罪业而形成的果报。但是许多人不理解这个观念，一旦果报现前了，就觉得是老天没有长眼睛，而埋怨：“像我这么好的人，为什么老天对我不公平？为什么我会遇到这样的事？简直是没有天理公义！”甚至会进一步想：“天底下根本没有天理、良心！既然人家对我这么坏，凭什么我要对人家好？”从此自暴自弃，出现报复的心态，这样不仅害他人深陷苦难，也使自己再受一层烦恼所苦。所谓冤冤相报，无有尽期，真是苦上加苦、罪上加罪，如果还不懂得忏悔，想清楚问题的症结，情况便会愈来愈严重。

如果不忏悔，就像欠债不还一样，总有一天债主会逼上门来，尤其到过年的时候逼得更紧。试想看看，过年、过节如果有债主上门逼债，不是很痛苦吗？忏悔以后，无论有形、无形，无论债主是不是在我们面前，至少我们良心上的负担已经减轻了。

可是忏悔以后，并不等于罪过就此一笔勾消，而是“承认错误，愿意承担”的意思，是表示“欠你的钱我会慢慢的还，等我有钱的时候一定会还，而且会主动还”，而且忏悔并不是将所有的过失都推给佛菩萨来负责，如此是误解了忏悔的真正意思，也不符合因果观念。

不肯担负责任，就不会改变自己，业力就永远存在，这种假的忏悔并无法净化内心，而且不忏悔改变，便无法真正肯定自己、接受自己。其实，只要肯接受“人是无法逃遁于自己的所作所为”的观念，就会提醒自己少做一点错事，这样便能达到防非止恶的功用。所以忏悔之后，不是什么事都没有了，而是要更努力多做功德、多行布施，以积聚善缘。

忏悔并没有什么特别的仪式，只要至诚地表明忏悔业障、罪障的决心即可。另外，也可以念《忏悔偈》：“往昔所造诸恶业，皆由无始贪嗔痴，从身语意之所生，今对佛前求忏悔。”它的意思是：“由于我过去贪、嗔、痴的心理，造了种种的业，透过行为、语言和思想表现出来，伤害到人，现在我来到佛前真心忏悔，愿佛菩萨给我作证，证明我已经全部忏悔了。”

梁文道-婚姻的前提并非爱情

Oh... everyone knows them...(哈... 他们是谁? Clinton lor!)

She says: 'I love him now and forever' haha...So cute ...

Yes, well said! That is also true! (七姐秀梅和姐夫)

婚姻是甚么? 在考虑结婚时, 女人想些甚麼?

多数女人在考虑结婚时，难免想到，未来丈夫能为她带来甚么好处， 在这关键期，爱情或愛不愛這個人是其次，还有其他更重要的考量。有些是为了移民， 也有的为了逃避工作压力， 找到常期饭碗， 有所以依靠。 就这样， 靠那男人给予物质和金钱而活。 尤其为结婚而移民在外国的女人， 没有高学历，专长，没有工作能力，面对言语问题，更无可奈何， 也没目标，只有靠丈夫的支撐過活。 一旦婚姻起变化， 就成了受害者，也是自己的選擇。这是很可悲，卻常見的現象。

因为世间的事，变化无常，谁能保证你，愛情婚姻永恆不變，萬事如意，永遠幸福。人，还是自己依靠自己最有保障， 尤其是女人， 靠丈夫找到幸福， 那是因为你幸运， 以自己的本事得到幸福快乐，这是你給自己的最佳保障，也算是对自己负责。到底這世間，幸運的事兒，並不多，而且無常，變化，人生苦多於樂。有本事自己賺錢，自立生活，自由自在，這樣的女人最漂亮，最有尊嚴！每個人都要爲自己活着而負責。

女人，醒醒吧，還是靠自己去找幸福，這才是真正漂亮，有智慧，自信的女人！婚姻，愛情，男人，不再是你唯一的選擇 ，幸福靠自己。Wake up, girls!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

梁文道, 1970年生于香港。现为凤凰卫视评论员，为《南方周末》及《南方都市报》等中国内地、香港及马来西亚多份报刊杂志专栏作家

梁文道每天只睡五个小时，他做作家，做主持人，做牛棚书院的院长，做《读书好》的主编。除了工作，他几乎把全部时间花在看书上，不过，他对于人类文学史上最重要的三大主题之一——爱情并没有太多关注，相对爱情来说，他更关注的是死亡。但是，这并不代表他不懂得爱情，恰恰是因为太懂得，所以不太可能拥有，不太可能遇见跟他一样懂得爱的人。婚姻亦如是。面对浮躁社会千奇百怪的婚恋观，梁文道皆以客观平和的态度来看待。最后，这位已近40岁的男人告诉我们，他现在最想过的，是出家人的生活。 以下是他部份的訪談。

梁文道: 以往我们觉得婚姻必然是爱情的结果，婚姻的前提是要有爱情做它的必要条件跟充分条件。这个时代已经结束了。

梁文道: 爱情乃世间唯一变幻不定本质空洞的事物。

那爱情与婚姻是什么关系？

梁文道：爱情离不开人嘛。人是变幻不定的，那是当然的。我只是说爱情是所有人际关系中，最模糊、最变幻莫测的。在我看，没什么关系。就像我们注意到现在很多调查说，很多女大学生渴望嫁给“富二代”。或许，她们考虑的已经不是我爱不爱这个人，考虑的可能是生活条件、是对自己未来生活的一个投资。我们大家都觉得这个说法好堕落，但至少说明一点，婚姻根本就不会跟爱情有一种必然的、逻辑上的关系。以往我们觉得婚姻必然是爱情的结果，婚姻的前提是要有爱情做它的必要条件跟充分条件。这个时代已经结束了。

梁文道：西方有另一种问题。在我看，西方世界最保守的国家恐怕是美国，他们秉持基督教道德观，可是那么保守的国家，离婚率竟然也接近60%多，就是说每10对新婚夫妇，将来会有6对离婚。在他们中，虽然每个结婚的人一开始都希望白头偕老，一生一世，他们也坚信婚姻有某种誓盟的效果，是一个社会契约，这个契约不能轻易被毁坏，但为何仍有如此多的人最终选择分开？原因是，西方很多人崇拜童话般的浪漫婚姻，而这种浪漫是要有爱情打底的。可是问题也就在此——现代爱情讲究自由意志，就是说它必须忠于自己的感觉。当爱情变质了，婚姻自然就要解约。

婚姻制度开始有点崩溃

梁文道：我觉得现在的婚姻制度开始有点崩溃了。美国现在是有六成的婚姻都是以离婚收场，香港是一半。过去的婚姻之所以没有那么容易离掉，是因为过去的婚姻不是建立在爱情上，而是建立在很多社会民俗、机制上。现在的婚姻越来越强调是建立在爱情上，而爱情这回事，我们现在对爱情的看法就是爱情要真诚于自己的感受和自己的自由，而个人的感受和自由其实是可以不断变化的，你可以今天很爱一个男人跟他结婚，说你这辈子跟定他，爱他一辈子，（I love him now and forever) 但谁晓得你的这个感受可以维持多久呢？如果你明天就变化了，而你又要忠诚于自己，你需不需要离婚呢？所以建立在爱情上的婚姻有一种潜在的危机，就是这个婚姻随时会崩溃。　　

剩女这个说法带有歧视意味

梁文道：剩男剩女不一定是没有爱情的，他们可能有爱情，只不过不愿意结婚。我觉得，这所谓的剩女现象，命名本身就有问题。“剩下”的意思如同暗示她们是被选择、被选剩的。我不太同意这种说法。因为，有些女人并非被动，而是主动选择不结婚。

所以不该叫剩女剩男，而是说不婚与晚婚。这其中，可能每个人都有自己的理由在。但现在很多剩女其实内心是十分渴望婚姻的。她们很害怕到了一定的年龄，没有人选择她们，她们只能成为“被选择”的一方。我觉得，任何一个人都有可能结到婚的，这不是太难。你可以说她们标准定出来后没有找到符合条件的。也或者，她们遇到一些人后，会不断权衡、心情忐忑。但这其实仍是她们主观的考量多于她们被选剩。

婚姻并非一种必然的选择

梁文道：不是说时代改变，人心不古，女孩子要求高了。无论任何时代，家庭生活必然会包括一连串的物质条件，希望有个房子就是很正常的事儿。而今天，对一个理想家庭生活的这些物质想象，满足起来并非那么容易。

但不能因此我们就放弃婚姻吧？

梁文道：为什么一定不能放棄？婚姻作为一种社会制度，并非是一个那么稳定、必然的事情。至少我没看出，存在着人们不能不结婚的理由。这就如同家庭的形式也在不断变化。现在世界上越来越多单亲家庭，獨生主義，以前我们一样很难想象。

但至少人们还会被上一代约束着吧？长辈会不断催婚。

梁文道：我怀疑这个约束力也越来越低了。现在大部分人都跟父母分开住。大部分人离开老家到了第二个城市居住，上一代的这种约束感、压迫感就变得没有那么直接，没有那么日常。

从你的角度，你觉得理想中的伴侣有些什么条件？

梁文道：我不喜欢“条件说”。尤其是爱情的“条件说”，这等同于你脑子里先想好一些条条框框，然后在世间寻找。当你觉得你所列出的条件全部满足，或者满足了八成，爱情就会自动发生。在我看，这很荒谬。

试试看，你列出20个条件，再根据这些条件找到一个人。很多时候，你跟这个人相处后会发现，他其实有很多你原来没有设想到的毛病和问题。这些问题和毛病甚至会抵消掉那20个条件的吸引力。就像你理想条件可能要找一个非常上进的人，结果你找到了，可是你发现他的上进竟然是他的一个缺点——他太上进了，所以根本没空管家，没空管你，你空蕩，寂寞 ，期待他能多陪伴你。

------------------------------------------------------------------------

一位在密月期，移居外國，結婚不久的女人，問她，愛他丈夫嗎？她很幸福，充滿感性的說：‘I love him now and forever!’ 喔！Forever, 言重了，小姐，像是童話裡的浪漫故事，男女主角，從今以後就過着像活在天堂似的快樂日子。忘記了，兩個不同世界的人生活在一起，在婚姻和愛情的過程，還有很長的路要走，而且有太多意外，太多你无法穷尽的东西。現在的幸福和幸運，也是變化無常，不代表永遠幸福快樂。

何況愛情的遊戲，就靠那空洞，變幻不定的感覺把兩人連繫在一起，失去感覺，愛情遊戲就結束，或者貌合神離。兩個不同世界的人，就靠這種不穩定的感覺，也正是为何很多人最终发现，理想中的对象太难找，因為感覺是不穩定的，是無常的。或许人们应当明白，理想中的事情在现实中从来不存在，就像符合数学定义的圆形，在世界上是不存在的，最完美的圆规也画不出。你能画出的圆，距离完美总有偏差、有距离。

女人，還是少說永遠 (forever)，多活在當下，享受當下得到的幸福，因為未來是不存在的，未知的，變化的，不可靠的。

祝福你幸福，快樂，享受你當下所有的一切。