Observing the mind is a very interesting and also extremely tricky thing. It is just like a magician doing a lot of tricks, and living in a world of make-believe. Sometimes, it makes one believes one is living in a heaven, a wise and the most blessing person; soon enough, dropped into the hell, and one feels like a depressed and foolish guy who just like any ordinary person shares the same defilements of greed, hatred and delusion. One may start to wonder, after all these years of practice, one is back to square one. One has not achieved anything and not wiser, after-all, nothing much has been changed. This sounds familiar experience to most people who are practicing meditation, or observing the mind.
I am not sure, is this a perception or truth? I think the main culprit is the attachment of things in life, it can be in a subtle way of not letting go. This creates and lets the delusion of 'I' continue and operate in the mind. Use the Buddhist term: may be still haven't realized the Anatta or Non-self, (無我) because in life, there are still deep and subtle attachments that mind clings to and still not letting go. May be this is lack of sharp mindfulness that can penetrate through the subtle layer of mind.
The so called 'I' is the medium of attachment that mind identifies with the arising object, and it is affected or involved with the object. If the object makes mind happy, it likes the object and being happy; if the object makes mind sad or angry, it dislikes the object and being sad and angry, and so on. During the process, it is so fast that the illusionary 'I' is formed and created and attached to the object in one go! Then it becomes: 'I am sad', 'I am angry', and so on. This is the nature of mind. The reaction is automatic and due to ignorance, and therefore it is suffering, because it cannot be controlled. This is due to not thoroughly understand how the nature of mind at work . Without wisdom or understanding, so the mind reacts in the habitual pattern. If the object is negative, the reactions include thought, feeling, and emotional things are all in a negative mode, so mind becomes moody. That is how the mind functions in our day to day life not being aware of its constant changing, and live in this kind of deluded mental state without knowing.
If mind can be calm enough, with self-awareness, it can observe that whenever there is an object arises, be it a thought, a person's image or a past event, instantly mind knows there is an object arising, so mind is 'there' to grab or cling to it. Conceptually, we think that mind 'flies over there' or ‘飛蛾撲火', to the object, but in reality it is already there. Mind's nature is to attach or cling to the arising object, no matter what object. Once it is attached, then it is reacted. Mental reaction is also natural and standard; it likes the object, or it dislikes the object, or it reacts with indifference, something in between like and dislike, in a dull or confused state.
Observation with tranquility, mental activities slow down, the mental process can be seen clearer. When sensation or pain, thought or mood change arises, there is always a reflection on the mind or background consciousness. It is like a mirror, reflects everything happening or arising in this mind-body process to the vast background consciousness. Like image playing on a big screen. Due to calmness, it softens the effect and in a detached way of looking at the arising object, so even pain or negative mental feeling is getting bearable. This is a natural process of mind at work. At this state, if mind unmindfully clings to the arising object, then the background consciousness is affected immediately. If it is mindful and with wisdom, the mind knows that it is just a mental creation, take thought as thought, feeling as feeing, as what it is, then mind letting go and not cling to the arising object, immediately the object fading away. The mind is not affected and remains in its calm and peaceful state. It seems so perfect, but question is, is it possible to have this state of mind all the time and apply to the daily life?
In daily life, so long as the mind still reacting to its arising object, then the mind is accumulating defilements all day long and the mind suffers. The genuine wisdom is to develop the 'built-in power', or so called wisdom, to neutralize the mental activity when it is attached and created the suffering, due to the reaction to the mind-body process. With calmness, mind creates space, the developed wisdom or 'the 'built-in power', can neutralize the mental reaction automatically, when mind encounters the arising object. It is done without the conceptual thinking or thought. Thought cannot rescue or save the mind from suffering. Only mindfulness with wisdom is possible to do that. It is also said that it needs to practice with continue mindfulness from moment to moment, day in day out. Is it possible to do that in the ordinary daily life?
From the above understanding, it is very obvious and a good indicator to gauge the practice: as long as mind is reacting to the arising object, whether good or bad, positive or negative object, the mind is definitely not reaching 'there' yet. This is because the mind still involves or 'jumps' to objects and reacts with it. It means the 'I' still follows us all the time, we still cannot see suffering as suffering, or see thing as what it is at that particular moment. Then, the emotion or the mood will take over and control the mind. It means we are still suffering. After all these years, some already practice for 10, 20 or 30 years, we still walk in and out of retreat center to practice every year, in a certain duration of time. It means the mind is still not well equipped and ready to deal with the harsh, stressful and vicissitudes of life? So have to come back again and again. One may say, we have to practice for the whole life! Looks like no other choice, so be patient and just do it!
We spend most parts of our life in society and work place, so the practice must be related to the daily life, it is not only confined to meditation retreat centers. The interaction with the outside world, the society, is the real challenge. The society, family and work place, press our the inner buttons, activate and expose our weaknesses, manifest the defilements to the maximum, and show the 'real' and ugly self, which is concealed and hidden in a conducive environment, like a retreat center. Life is only meaningful and happy when our inner world is relatively calm and peaceful when interacts with the outside world. This is the least expectation and the essential step with the intention for the practice to achieve that. So next time, during the practice when we feel we have 'attained' something, or feel like 'floating in the air', it is time to ask ourselves: "Are you sure?"...
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