面对死亡

From Malaysiakini

文：杨伟光【最后的12章之十二】

野田：

首先谢谢大家阅读最后12章的信件，不知不觉中已到了最后。希望大家在这章结束后，也会继续支持“给生命第二次机会”这运动。

最后一篇，你要我讲讲死囚面临死亡时的感受。

死刑让犯人诚实面对罪行

首先，我觉得，死刑存在的意义不是报复，而是让犯人了解，让他诚实面对自己所犯下的罪行的一种方式。就我来说吧，我其实是感恩我被捉，因为这让我了解生命的意义是什么，它让我坚强。我记得我说过，以前的我，没有真正的活过。

前几天，我的律师来探望我，他说过几天就会把我最后的特赦申请信交到总统府去了。

最痛苦的还是死囚家人

很多死囚在执行死刑的前一晚没有机会和家人说一声再见，除了悲伤，根本就是没有心情做任何的事情。其实，很多死囚在被带出牢房的那一刻，都会禁不住的大闹大哭，再多的辅导也没有用，因为这一走，是没有回头了。一个生命永远不在了。

这时，最痛苦的是家人，我根本不敢想像家人在外头，无助，焦急，彷徨……等待。等待一个冰冷的，没有生命的身体。

而对我来说，若明日是我生命中的最后一晚，我也没有其他的选择，只有黯然面对；毕竟错的是自己，我会忏悔。

我已“死”过好多次了

你问，我会不会腿软。我真的不知道。但我想我不会，因为面对生死，我已经开始熟悉了；别忘记，在这短短的4年，我已“死”过好多次了，2007年被捉，佛祖救了我让我重生；2009年被判死刑，在行刑前律师拉维向法庭申请暂缓。我能够活到今天，一切所属幸运。

我也不奢求最后晚餐即将是个如何丰盛的一餐，我想我会照旧早上起来祈祷念经，静坐深思，素食早餐，直到夜晚的到来，穿上妹妹买给我最好看的衣服，跟其他狱友说声再见，然后再诚心向地藏菩萨叩头感谢。

但我没有办法用文字表达那种心情。我也不知道走向绞刑台的时候会是什么心情。我想没有人会知道吧。

社会大众原谅是最大福分

听闻学修觉法，佛祖的传承，就是帮助、拥护、劝导、提醒、鼓励等等，一切正在受苦众生，迷惑众生，有国难终生，有烦恼众生，无知与无智众生，不知自控的众生等等，这些众生所受的我曾经经受，因有伟大觉者佛祖的传承众生（学者或觉者）的教导，所以我解脱很多，很自在！

也感恩社会大众能原谅我，能够活到今天已经是我最大的福分了。

只是有点担心母亲伤心

我想我的家人已经接受了我，将来的情况是个怎样的结果，我觉得家人都能够接受了；他们对我的改变，对我的蜕变感到欣慰；加上在我死之前可以读读佛经，认识佛教；我的改变也改善了家人之间的关系，尤其兄弟姐妹间的感情。

只是有点担心，母亲终究会知道我已经不在的。

最后的一篇，我就以这简短的文字，写出我的感受。

我再次感谢你们，没有你们我不能够把我的故事一一道出。

感恩，我在这里替大家祈佛，愿大家健康平安喜乐！祝福你们。

伟光

鄭丁賢 - 熟悉的陌生人

鄰國電視訪談，結束前，要我用一句話總結709大集會。“公民社會宣告降臨！”我回答。

倫敦政經學院（LSE）對“公民社會”（Civil Society）有簡明的定義：一群人因為共同的理想和價值觀，自願的組織和集合起來，追求彼此的共同目標。再簡明的定義，也有點抽象，模糊。

用709的例子，大家更容易明白。

這天下午1點，30幾個人出現在武吉免登路上，其中一些人身穿黃衣。走著，走著，在街邊觀望者，加入隊伍；在咖啡店喝茶的，加了進來；在商店前逛街的，也走入其中。很快的，從原本的30幾人，成為300人的隊伍；來到蘇丹依斯邁路口，和另一支隊伍會合，增加到1千人。隊伍走到半山芭路，已是數千人的陣容；加上幾個不同地點的人群，已是以萬人計。

吉隆坡之外，新加坡、台北、香港、悉尼、墨爾本、迪拜、倫敦、紐約、洛杉磯……，都有一群“熟悉的陌生人”，不約而同的現身。

他們都是自願而來，沒有任何物質上的報酬，反而要面對種種危險。他們是為了改變選舉制度而來，也是為了自身和集體的權益而出現。隊伍中，大部份人並不認識對方，然而，彼此之間，卻有一種熟悉感，知道對方想些甚麼，準備做甚麼，追求些甚麼。

當隊伍遇到阻攔時，群眾守望相助，傳遞水、鹽巴、毛巾等等；在被驅逐時，大家互相扶持。這些人，是公民社會的一分子。他們追求個人的自由，公民的權益，不願意受到國家政權的過度約束；他們未必加入政黨，但是，他們關心政治。

他們認為，在5年一次的投票之外，公民還有其它表達意願，參與政治的管道，包括集會和遊行。709這一天，人們見證了公民社會的成形，以及它所發揮的力量。在大馬，公民社會將是國陣和民聯之外的第三股政治力量。哪一方能夠取得公民社會的認同和支持，就能夠贏得未來。

然而，執政黨習慣了本身高高在上的視角，也安逸於權力的擁有，而失去了敏感度，忽略了公民社會時代已經降臨。一旦驚覺受到挑戰，當局又錯誤的把它定調為反對黨的旁支外圍，或是被反對黨所利用，而採取對抗的姿態。結果，勢必把公民社會的成員，推向另一方。

正視公民社會的力量，接納它的存在，學習與之妥協共處，是執政黨今後唯一的道路。

709的兩個人

709的出現者：黃阿姨

住在吉隆坡外圍地區的黃阿姨，今年已經65歲。709當天，她穿上黃色T恤，一早就搭乘巴士，準備進城。

巴士開到中央醫院附近，就被阻攔。她只好下車；這裡距離市中心，大概還有10公里遠。她一路步行，走著，走著……。模擬她的行程，應該是沿著林蔭的彭亨路，走到馬來區甘榜峇魯，進入熱鬧市集的秋傑路。

過了秋傑路，是繁榮的蘇丹依斯邁路金融區；穿過小路，來到小印度。經過幾條主要道路，跨過高架橋，黃阿姨走過Masjid Jamek，往國家回教堂的方向繼續走。在大地宏圖大廈附近，她被警察攔了下來。警察問她為何穿上黃色T恤，她回問：“為甚麼不能穿黃色？”

她繼續前進，終於在午後時間，和人群會合。黃阿姨不是經驗老道的街道戰士，她缺乏經驗，缺少準備。她的行裝太過簡單，只有一個小腰包；沒有毛巾、沒有水、沒有鹽巴、沒有護目鏡。

她走累了，行動緩慢，更跑不動。當水柱射過來時，她毫無抵擋的裝備，全身濕透，週身刺痛；當催淚彈落下，濃煙嗆鼻，呼吸困難。

但是，她堅持握著手上那一束別人遞過來的菊花。直到集會結束，黃阿姨拖著濕透和累透的身體，走一段很長的路，坐上巴士，回家。

她自己不知道，隔天，她一人身影，站在鎮暴隊前的照片，已經流傳全世界。

x x x

709未出現者：依布拉欣阿里依布拉欣阿里說，他要以鮮血對抗淨選盟，保衛？？？（他自己也搞不清楚要保衛甚麼)。 他要發動1萬5千名土權分子，在709走上街頭。他要封鎖檳城大橋，任何人都別想通過。他警告華人，709留在家裡，最好囤積一些糧食。

他說，他的忍耐已經到了極限了……（噢，他說了很多次，看來，他的極限就是沒有極限)。709的緊張氣氛，很大部份來自依布拉欣；很多人被他嚇到，有點害怕。

709前夕，他說土權沒有拿到准證，所以不遊行了。然後，他告訴大家，他的內政部長――老婆大人，不准他709出門；所以，他必須留在家裡（這和他給予華人的“勸告”很一致）。

他呼吁他的土權朋友，709踴躍前往帝帝皇沙公園“散步”，展示力量。當天，記者在公園找喲找，找到20到30位他的朋友。太陽底下，大家意興闌珊，很沒趣。記者聯絡上依布拉欣，他說，他生病了。

他應該是鬱悶成疾了。青蛙把肚子吹得那麼大，呱呱呱，結果竟然爆破了肚皮，哈哈哈！

作者：鄭丁賢

我看到了希望，我看到了曙光

Winnie Lim

From Malaysiakini

7月9日，我选择了走向街头。在两三个星期之前，我就已经告诉妈妈说我要去参加这个游行。原以为妈妈会阻止我，可是她并没有，反而是一向以来敢怒敢言的爸爸拨电给我叫我不要去，他害怕担心我会被逮捕。我很敷衍地说了‘嗯，是啦是啦！’便挂了电话。可是我心中那团要去游行的火从开始到现在从来就没有熄灭过。

我想了又想，告诉自己“我总不能那么自私呀，让别人壮烈牺牲，而我就在家里坐着摇脚啊”。这片土地是你，我，他的，我也应该像其他勇士们一样为这个国家的民主付出。这个国家存在着很多不公平的政策。所谓的民主，公正和言论自由，很多都是政客说了算算而已。

真正的民主，有必要把人民当作是犯人一样进行大逮捕吗？我们何罪之有？难道要求一个干净和公平的选举也有错吗？很多身边的朋友在游行之前劝我‘你不要去这个游行啦！很危险的，你还是学生，万一有什么事情被捉到怎么办？你不害怕被逐出大学吗？’之类的话等等。朋友们，老实告诉你，我是害怕的，可是我的心存在着很多的不甘。最终，我还是选择了在7月8日考完试后，晚上乘搭轻快铁进入吉隆坡市与游行同伴会合。

7月9日这一天来了，我看见很多人从多条街道涌进了我和同伴的方向。走入人群后，大家手挽着手，站在一起，两度高唱国歌，高喊人民万岁，人民干净等等的口号。直身机不停地在上空盘旋着。我们还不时向经过的轻快铁搭客们挥手，向德士司机挥手，他们也鸣笛以示支持。

我看见一个年约50-60岁的印度uncle两手撑着拐杖，身穿黄衣，虽然只有一条腿，仍是与健全的我们站在同一阵线，这一刻，我内心撕裂了，想哭了。在途中，遇见许许多多的异族同胞们，不禁向他们点头微笑以示我们都是自己人，我们不分种族，不分你我站在同一阵线，我们都是爱国者，我们都很珍惜很感激这一片土地是大家的。我又想哭了。

在游行期间，镇爆队发射了数不清的催泪弹来驱散群众。大家一度被疏散后又从新地聚集在一起。这时候当大家走到了富都车站前，警方与镇爆队前后包抄了我们。向前进又不是，向后退更加不可能。警方与领袖们谈判，说好让我们走去Jalan Sultan，前提是我们必须和平地走，不能引发骚乱。大家应声地说没有问题。这时的我站在挺前面，接近领袖们。殊不知，几分钟后，镇爆队竟然向渴望民主自由的人群发射了很多颗的催泪弹。可能是站在挺前面的关系，被催泪弹熏得快要窒息，群众们一把眼泪，一把鼻涕，大家纷纷“逃亡”！原来，我们被骗了！我要问：警察，说好的和平呢？

这时候，听见很多人说“我们跑进去医院里面吧，猜想他们应该不会对医院怎么样。”当时我还站在医院外面的停车场，目睹了水炮车一步一步驶进了医院范围外面，大家察觉不妙，赶紧跑进医院里面，我也跟着跑，因为看到了警察冲着我们而来。在跑的时候，我看见了，我看见了催泪弹一颗一颗得掉落在医院范围里。我，彻彻底底得失望了，真的很愤怒！这一刻，每个人都在骂，他们失去理智了吗？！他们是疯了吗？！！大家都很沮丧地坐在医院大厅，其中一个朋友对我们说不要再逃了，他们要捉就给他们捉个够，其实我也这么认为，虽然还是有丁点害怕的感觉。大家静静地等待最终，还是没有被捉。

我和同伴们最后还是慢慢寻找出路，因为看到外面的群众已被疏散地七七八八。慢慢走，还是回到了我们的原点-Petaling Street。我的第一次游行就这样结束了。我终于在马来西亚人民身上看到了希望。我19年以来第一次看到了三大民族是如何团结起来，如何渡过重重难关。我又一次地想要哭了。马来西亚人民，谢谢你们让我看到了这片土地的曙光，让我看到了希望，我爱你们。

My Bersih 2.0 Experience

By Marina Mahathir (Daughter of ex-Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir)

So I went.

I have to say that the night before I had many many misgivings, especially after reading about the army doing exercises with the FRU. Could the government seriously be contemplating shooting their own people? Who knows? My stomach was in knots thinking about the many young people I knew who were intent on going, including my daughter. Would I be able to forgive myself if something happened to them?

After seeking advice from various friends, I finally decided that I could not stay safely at home while my daughter, friends and colleagues faced possible danger. I had to walk with them. Besides even if I stayed home, I would have spent all my time worrying. So I had to go.

A friend who lived in the city offered to be my protector and together we devised a plan on what to do. Hubby was supportive and gave some advice on how to stay safe. My neighbours also wanted to come along. So fairly earlyish, my friend drove over to get me with no problem and we headed back into the city. Despite the roadblocks in some areas, we encountered no problems. In fact driving into KL was so pleasant because the roads were so clear. The police directed traffic where they had to and were generally cooperative ( except for one we saw arguing with a man trying to get into his own condo). We got to a roadblock in the KLCC area and my friend explained that he lived in the area and they let us through, four people in a car dressed as if we were going hiking!

From my friend’s apartment block, we walked to Times Square and parked ourselves at the Starbucks for a coffee while we waited. A cursory look around the outlet and mall revealed that many people were doing the same thing. Meanwhile a whole van of police was stationed outside the mall but after a while they all went off.

We kept in touch with various friends around the city to find out where they were and what the situation was. At about 12.30 we started to walk up Jalan Hang Tuah towards the stadium area. We were not in big groups, just people out on a weekend stroll. We thought we would encounter police in front of the big police headquarters in front of Pudu Jail but there was nothing. When we got to the corner of Jalan Hang Jebat, we saw some police motorcycles and only a couple of cops. Lots of people were just sitting on the curbside under the eye of the cops. It was pretty clear what all these people were there for.

We walked along Jalan Hang Jebat in front of Stadium Negara towards the OCM and found many other friends waiting there. Apparently at one point the cops had given chase even though there was no reason to and caught some people and hauled them off. But from then on we could sit and wait by the curb without anyone disturbing us.

Jalan Hang Jebat and the small road that led up to Stadium Merdeka stayed pretty quiet. Members of the Bar Council (who had to suffer wearing their suits in the heat just so that we could spot them easily) walked around observing what was happening. At one point one woman in a suit sat herself at the intersection to take notes.

One lone woman lawyer at her station, Jln Hang Jebat

We all debated whether to stay there or move down to Petaling Street but we were afraid that we wouldn’t be let back up again. Then it started to rain. My friend and I sought shelter under some hoarding along with young people. Just then I got a message that we were to go to KL Sentral. After confirming this with a friend at Sentral, my friends and I started to walk down Hang Jebat just as a large group of people started walking up. The rain was pouring at that point and I didn’t know quite what to do, whether to tell people they should turn round or not.

Seeking shelter for a while under a shop five-foot way, I talked to various other friends and eventually decided to head back to the stadium area where I found my daughter and lots of other friends there. The main group earlier had gone up to Stadium Merdeka, did some chanting in front of the FRU and then headed down again. But many people hung about just to observe everything and soak in the atmosphere. One group of young people had yellow ribbons on sticks and started a little dance. Others were buying ice cream from a bicycle vendor who came by. There was a real carnival atmosphere.

I have to say that I never felt safer than when I was in the crowd. People recognized me and said hello. Some wanted to take photos. It didn’t feel any different from any other Saturday out. And to be perfectly fair, the cops and FRU in my area showed admirable restraint. They saw that people were not doing anything more than chanting and nobody was harming anyone so they just stood there and left everyone to do their thing. We came across a whole FRU unit blocking a lane next to the Chinese temple at the roundabout at the bottom of Jalan Maharajalela, waved at them and they waved. Cool cops!

Of course not everyone had the same experience. Here’s an account from a colleague who was in a different street:

Unfortunately my experience wasn't so benign. I was part of the marchers (along with A and others) who were effectively kettled by the police in Jalan Pudu. FRU units to the front and back of us prevented us from leaving, and we were trapped by the walls of a construction site opposite Tung Shin Hospital after the FRUs pushed us back. It was probably the worst of the hotspots because of that: when the police started firing round after round of tear gas at us, we had nowhere to run to. I think they were determined to make an example out of us, because they bloody well tear-gassed and sprayed us with water cannons when they had no reason to do so.

We were all tear-gassed at least three, four times. An NGO staffer was hit by a canister. V told me that she saw people jumping off the second floor of the Puduraya bus terminal because the police had released tear gas too close to the terminal and the wind carried the fumes into the enclosed building. When the marchers ran for shelter in Tung Shin Hospital, the police fired tear gas and water cannons INTO the hospital grounds. Later the police lured us into re-assembling on the road on the pretext of negotiating a peaceful dispersal. They arrested the MP (Sivarasa) who was doing the negotiating, then -- after ordering us to sit down so (as we realised later) we would be sitting ducks -- they fired more tear gas and water cannons at us. A, myself and our companions eventually managed to find a way out from the trap via the Santo Antonius church and (irony of ironies) the car park of the Hang Tuah police station (near the monorail station). There were so many very brave people yesterday.

I now know that smearing toothpaste under the eyes to reduce irritation caused by tear gas actually works (thanks, A)! I'm still itchy and short of breath from all that tear gas, which is a bit annoying. But really, mostly what I remember of the rally was how moving it was: the solidarity among the protesters, how people looked out for one another. Whenever I was tear-gassed there was a stranger running along at my side and offering me and my friends salt to counteract the effects. When the police sprayed chemical-laced water cannons into the crowd and the people affected cried out for water to wash the stuff away, others turned and ran back toward the cannons with bottles of water to help. People helped others climb up a hill towards the hospital to escape (some guy helped me up the steep slope). Someone always stepped up to make sure that a panicked run doesn't turn into a stampede, including an elderly woman who took it upon herself to guide the marchers to safety. She's a first-time marcher to boot! Actually there were lots of first-time marchers, and more young middle-class urbanites than I've ever seen at any other rallies including the 2007 Bersih rally. At one point people started picking up the tear gas canisters and throwing them back at the police, or kicking the canisters safely away from the marchers and bystanders. I heard via the #bersihstories Twitter hashtag when the police fired tear gas into Tung Shin, there were people who grabbed the canisters and wrapped them in their own towels, then threw the canisters into the drain so there wouldn't be so much fumes.

And another one, about people’s goodness:

My group has a lovely little story to tell as well, of how we escaped from the Tung Shin hospital area after one of the tear gas attacks. We took a little alley uphill between the shophouses, and there was a block of flats there. One of the residents told us to go through the building to get out through the back! We climbed upstairs and then along the opposite corridor a woman shouted and pointed, "That way, go that way, there is an exit out the back!" and we scuttled along our corridor, down the back stairs and found ourselves safe outside on Changkat Tung Shin or something like that.

Rakyat all contributing in their own ways!

There are many stories and photos, both good and bad, of the whole event. But to me what was most important was that Malaysians proved two things: one, they can assemble together on a common cause peacefully and two, therefore showed that they are a mature people. The fact is that there were all kinds of people there, young and old, all races and religions and all classes and creeds. I bumped into many young people, the children of my friends, who had come to see what it was all about and decide for themselves what to think about the issue.

Do these people look like hooligans to you?

Whatever one thinks about the issue that Bersih is espousing, we should all be proud of our fellow Malaysians who did not, despite dire predictions by some, behave like hooligans and destroy property and hurt one another. There were people hurt and one death but people who had participated in the rally did not cause them. The restaurants and shops around the area were doing roaring business as people got thirsty and hungry.

There are also some people claiming that the world now has a bad impression of Malaysia because the foreign media (and the local media for that matter) reported only about the teargassing and water-cannoning. I think people are confusing the government with the people. Yes, the world now has a bad impression of the Malaysiangovernment because it has handled this whole issue so badly. They don’t have the same impression of the Malaysians who stood up for their rights and their cause.

This is what gives a good impression: protestors and police shaking hands before dispersing at 4pm.

And by the way, I can’t believe some of the mean things being said about the man who died after being teargassed! My goodness, every time I read totally uncompassionate things like that, I know that I’m on the right side.

BERSIH 2.0 - Malaysians March Together

What did we achieve yesterday?

And united, as fellow-Malaysians, we took to the streets in one voice to oppose what we consider a corrupt government. And we took to the streets not to do violence. We took to the streets as a demonstration of peace. That’s what we gained yesterday.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

I got up early today. I wanted to get a head start and write something before I hit the road. That’s because at noon today, GMT, I will be at Julian Assange’s house to celebrate his 40th birthday and his home is a more than four-hour drive from Manchester. I will probably have to sleep in London and come home tomorrow.

But before I started writing I thought I would first have a look at the video below and I starting crying (old men of 61 like me get very emotional when we are nearer to our graves).

The government says that BERSIH was a failure. Some commentaries even said it is a lose-lose situation. No one won yesterday, they said.

I don’t know what they mean by win and lose. How do you translate win and lose? I suppose each person has his or her own way of looking at things. That would be their interpretation, of course.

I don’t know what we are supposed to have lost. But what we did win was that Malaysians all over the world, in particular in Malaysia, came together as one. That is what we won.

Yesterday, we were not rich men or poor. We were not Malays or non-Malays. We were not Muslims or non-Muslims. We were just fellow-Malaysians.

And united, as fellow-Malaysians, we took to the streets in one voice to oppose what we consider a corrupt government. And we took to the streets not to do violence. We took to the streets as a demonstration of peace.

That’s what we gained yesterday. All the rabble rousing and the enemies of Islam and enemies of Malays propaganda and rhetoric failed. Malaysians did not buy these lies and spins of the government. And yesterday was proof of that.

I don’t know in what way we failed yesterday. Was it because we did not get a crowd of 300,000? Was it because one man died and more than 1,000 were arrested? Was it because many got beaten up and injured? Was it because we failed to present the 8-point memorandum to His Majesty the Agong? Was it because even if we did get to present the 8-point memorandum to His Majesty there would be no electoral reforms anyway?

I don’t know what our failure is supposed to have been. But amongst all those so-called failures we met with one major success that overrides all those failures -- in the event you still see yesterday as a failure. And that major success is there were no Malays, Chinese, Indians, ‘lain-lain’, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics or whatever on the streets yesterday. For those couple of hours we were all fellow-Malaysians.

That was what we succeeded in doing yesterday. And that is worth all the tea in China.

Walk For Better Malaysia

This happened at KL’s Petaling Street with group of few thousand people marching peacefully for the cause of Fair & Clean Elections. From the video clip, listening to the voice of people shouting for Bersih - for Clean & Fair Elections.

Even though Article 10(1) of the Malaysian Constitution grants freedom of speech and peaceful assembly, sadly, as witnessed today, due to dirty politics, Police did not work for people but against the people. Seeing the Police fired with tear gas and water cannons to disperse the crowd. Ended up some people wounded and more than thousand people were arrested.

The heavy guarded FRU cordoning at Jalan Pudu and other main roads at this area, and with the shutting down the LRT services, basically we were trapped at this location. It was heavy rain at about 2:00pm, people looking for shelter. Then the Police started to arrest the people. Out of no choice, I had to walk for few kilometers to KL Central where, for taking KLIA Transit to get out from KL.

It is emotionally disgusted to witness this, the silliest thing that happened in Malaysia. It was once a peaceful and multicultural society with all races living harmonically. After 53 years, this country is not longer the country as it was.

What is wrong with the Bersih demanding a peaceful gathering to express their democratic right and wants for clean and fair elections? Why not the Government has a dialogue with them, to settle the issue in an amicable way? When I was in Chiangmai of Thailand, where happened to be the Red Shirts stronghold, the Police acted professionally and just to ensure for proper traffic flow, life went on as usual. Even I was a tourist there, alone, and stayed there for more than a month, I did not feel fear because they did not instill fear to its people. But come back here, our own country, the Police are hurting us with tear gas, the people being instilled with fear.

Yes, I had to run, as fast as I could, because the tear gas just dropped a few meters away from me! The whole body burned and dried up with tears dropped. Sudden felt of danger with life threatening and fear! The act was full of brutality! The Police was firing at your own people for walking peacefully. Why so much over-reacted and resorted with violence. The worst thing I witnessed was the Police fired tear gas to the nearby hospital, Tong Shin Maternity Hospital, at Jalan Pudu, just because the crowd escaped to the hospital's car park! It showed the disrespect and inhumane!

Anyhow, this is a historical and meaningful day, a day to remember for my whole life, even though facing the risk of being arrested and physically wounded, I feel proud to be able to march with those right thinking Malaysian of all races, Malay, Chinese, Indian and others, young and old. It was a very touching moment to see all races united for the common cause. These few hours I witnessed the REAL 1Malaysia, not the current one, which is only a slogan, no substance!

Walk for better Malaysia, for better future generation. You are great! Bravo!

Walk For Fair & Clean Elections

Repeated Mistakes, Creating Learning ...

A Dharma Discourse by Roshi John Daido Loori on Dongshan and Shenshan Cross the River.

"The Bodhisattva Vow - the whole thing is hopeless, but we’ll do it"

“You can’t teach someone to walk a tightrope wire by telling them to move their muscles a certain way. The only way to learn is by doing it. Somehow your body acclimates to it, your mind learns, and it seeps into your subconscious. It happens all at once. Is the Dharma any different? Of course you’re going to fail; step after step after step. Yet you will learn every time you fail. You say you’re going to stay with the breath, and pretty soon you start chasing after thoughts. You acknowledge your distraction, you let it go, and you come back to the breath. You keep doing this until you’re able to stay with the breath. After a while you get pretty good at it, but all of a sudden you seem to be back to square one and you can’t stay focused for even five seconds. Your mind is all over the place. Then it comes back.

Repeated practice creates learning. Repeated mistakes create learning. That is why Mistake is in reality called learning. The state of no-mistake is called nowness. It is called “now.” It is called “thus.” In nowness there is no before; there is no after. There are no goals, no agendas, no fixed direction. There is just the moment. It arrives as it departs, simultaneously. It has no before or after. It is so difficult for us to grasp this truth. We need goals. We want agendas. We crave direction. The notion of wandering aimlessly is very frightening for most of us…

The state of no-mistake is called nowness. In nowness there is no before or after, no goals, agendas, or fixed direction. Like the meandering river, it twists and turns in accord with circumstances, but always knows how to find its way to the great ocean. When you are on the river, you may be paddling north for an hour, and suddenly there’ll be a bend up ahead. When you look at your compass, you see you’re going south. You may have to go the same length, except now you’re paddling in the opposite direction. Then you go east, then you go west, then north again. Is the river making a mistake on its journey to the ocean?

It is the Tenth Ox-herding Picture with the old sagely guy stumbling through the marketplace with a bag on his back. He is laughing at falling leaves, playing with children. This is a step beyond the crystal-clear moon of enlightenment. Dogen says, “No trace of enlightenment remains, and this traceless enlightenment continues endlessly.” There are those who seek perfect clarity, yet sweep as you may, you cannot empty the mind. Keizan Zenji said that. Sweeping itself can sometimes fill the mind. The simple activity of emptying fills it.

Remember, the whole thing is hopeless. Taking care of the environment is hopeless, but we’ll do it. Achieving enlightenment is hopeless, but we’ll do it. Clarifying the mind, emptying the mind — impossible. We’ll do it. Just like the Four Vows say: “Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them.” How in the world are we going to do that, if they’re numberless? “Desires are inexhaustible, I vow to put an end to them. The dharmas are boundless, I vow to master them. The Buddha Way is unattainable, I vow to attain it.” Utterly hopeless. Yet we’re doing it.

We are jousting with windmills. That is our practice. The apparent impossibility does not make one bit of difference in our resolve. What is required is the kind of tenacity, the kind of vow that comes out of this practice. Imperfections notwithstanding, we will ultimately take care of this earth, and of each other. That is our vow.”

Narcissism -Self Love